So, it's been crazy these last few months. Still divorced, of course, but
between searching for a job to sustain my daughter and I during the winter months, various
summer/fall projects and joint custody, I am struggling to find
time to focus on writing. I've mentioned before that I often write
several blog entries at once, but then spend (sometimes way too much) time editing and
re-editing them to make them more prevalent to my life at the time of
publishing. Sadly, this often results in an enormous lag between
entries. With that said, my apologies for denying you the joy of another
peek into my brain. How fortunate for you that I have returned. Ha.
I recently re-read my previous entries (the last of which, shamefully, was posted almost four months ago!). I had originally planned for this entry to be something else entirely, but realized that with so much time having passed, I wanted to share some of the progress. After all, one can't move on until the tasks before have been completed.
The Custody Conundrum
The joint custody battle has somewhat improved. And by improved, I mean I barely speak to the ex. While this may not sound ideal, I am not currently being inundated with terse emails or text messages. The focus has thankfully seemed to shift from just being angry to attempting to communicate solely about our daughter. Granted, some weeks are better than others. While I still get frustrated when he slips into his old habits of calling our daughter incessantly or being reticent to share information which will affect me, I do not feel as attacked or as on the defensive as I have in the past. I doubt we will ever be friends again, but I remain ever hopeful that each day will bring less and less emotional stress in the future.
The Unemployment Issue
Unfortunately, this issue is still a source of stress. In July, I found out the ex-husband lost his high paying job. Although he received a limited severance package, he is no longer able to pay child support and alimony. He and his lawyer immediately filed a motion with the court to amend the payments. Fortunately, our lawyers were able to negotiate alternative arrangements, but, once again, the threat of court serves as a reminder of a marriage failed.
And then there is my own current unemployment with which to contend. I am typically employed (in a job I love) throughout the spring and summer, but have yet to acquire anything steady for this winter. Apparently, I am so awesome that employers recognize my value and don't know how they could possibly afford me (she says with tongue firmly lodged in cheek).
The good news is my seasonal work looks as if it may be starting earlier than usual. I have also managed to procure some freelance gigs to help with some income. I am working to get myself out there to do what I can to prevent the return to a post high school Top Ramen and tuna fish lifestyle.
It's strange, though. I know I should be more worried about finding employment, but after numerous rejections, I am starting to feel like everything is happening as it is supposed to. I am trying to put my faith in the idea that the Universe will take care of me--and hopefully not just kick me in the teeth when I am down. Besides, my personal psychic said it would. Ha.
The Living Situation
I love my apartment. It's quirky, in a great location, affordable...and a complete mess. OK, I don't love that last part.
I admit it readily: I've never been a particularly neat person. Yes, I have a habit of collecting stuff. No, I don't care for the process of organizing (although I love being organized). I would rather focus on spending time with my daughter when she's at the apartment and doing other projects when she's not. As a result, I am still getting settled. I am still fighting through some of the clutter, building shelves when I need them, hanging pictures on the wall.... There is definitely progress, but it's not yet finished. I guess, like me, my apartment is a work in progress. Sigh.
The Emotional Aftermath
And speaking of a work in progress.... In light of all of the above, I am doing as well as can be expected. I still have moments of sadness (although I blame hormonal imbalance for those) and am occasionally overwhelmed, but on the whole, I keep plugging along. I have had many epiphanies, much growth and much laughter.
Or to sum up, don't worry, I'm fine.
Now we can start talking about fun things. Like dating.
Bhahahahahahahahaah.
