I just saw the film About Time. In it, the lead
character discovers that the men in his family have the ability to go back in
time. This gives him ample
opportunity to fix a mistake, to re-live a brilliant day, to change a life
path. While watching this movie,
I, of course, was struck with the question, “What would I do were I to have
such a power?”
It’s interesting to think of, isn’t it? Just what would I change? Would I have dated different
people? Fewer? More? Would I have married someone else? Maybe not married at all? Would I have not had a child? Would I have chosen a different career path? Not moved to my current location? Traveled more? Eaten less? Would I have been more appreciative? Tolerated less? Chosen different activities? Bucked convention more? Not gotten divorced?
There are no easy answers. I work very hard to live without regret, yet rarely a day
goes by that I don’t find myself feeling trapped by my current situation. I do not like experiencing feelings of
sadness or loneliness. I abhore
being stressed about money. I am
tired of feeling devoid of a plentiful support system. I yearn for a fulfilling love
life. Granted these are all
feelings common to almost every person at some point in their lives, I am over
all of it.
A friend of mine once told me, “Well, at least you were
happy once.” At the time she meant
it as a way to placate my broken heart, but, in thinking back, I am angered by
the very notion of it. Once is all
we get? Then for what am I doing
all of this soul searching? Why
am I working so hard to swim out of the quagmire that my life has
become? Shall I just put my dreams
up on the shelf and ignore them?
Once, indeed.
The truth is, I doubt I would go back in time if I
could. I believe it is our past
that helps to create our present.
Whether I am aware of the reason or not, I believe that every event,
every decision, every person in our lives has purpose…even if that purpose is
only to make us who we are currently or to help us fulfill what we could
be. For sure, I can no more go
back in time than an elephant should fit through a keyhole.
If that does happen, however, do let me know. That sounds fascinating. In the meantime, though, I will
continue to work at letting go, at accepting there are some things I cannot
change and at learning to live and be better. I just hope I get a sense of progress soon lest I find
myself wishing for the past again.
Onward and upward, Lovelies. Again.
