My very good, albeit occasionally more conservative friend, posted an article on Facebook which blasts the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey and claims that the film teaches us "twisted and warped ideals." This is not the only article I've seen with a similar consensus. Other articles have claimed that it teaches us about violence toward women or that it is anti-feminism or anti-love and anti-romance.
Perhaps this is a strange reaction from someone who considers herself pro-feminism, pro-romance and pro-love, but I find it fascinating that so many people seem to be up in arms about this film. I doubt that most of them have ever even read the books or seen it since, at this writing, the film has yet to be released. In truth, I have yet to see the movie myself, but I can say that it is based on a pretty cheesy and somewhat poorly-written erotic novel. A novel, I might add, that the author claims was written as an "adult" version of Twilight, so take that for what it's worth.
Having read the trilogy, however, I don't see the books as propaganda for violence against women. If anything, they have instead seemingly opened everyone's eyes to the previously underground world of BDSM and erotic play. The bedroom can be a place of "dirty little secrets", and, like it or not, they have been successfully exposed--and even sometimes embraced--by the mainstream public through these novels.
Perhaps this is a strange reaction from someone who considers herself pro-feminism, pro-romance and pro-love, but I find it fascinating that so many people seem to be up in arms about this film. I doubt that most of them have ever even read the books or seen it since, at this writing, the film has yet to be released. In truth, I have yet to see the movie myself, but I can say that it is based on a pretty cheesy and somewhat poorly-written erotic novel. A novel, I might add, that the author claims was written as an "adult" version of Twilight, so take that for what it's worth.
Having read the trilogy, however, I don't see the books as propaganda for violence against women. If anything, they have instead seemingly opened everyone's eyes to the previously underground world of BDSM and erotic play. The bedroom can be a place of "dirty little secrets", and, like it or not, they have been successfully exposed--and even sometimes embraced--by the mainstream public through these novels.
Here's actually what is more troubling to me...It's not the sexual acts depicted in the novels that bother me. Although I've personally never been a fan of hardcore S&M, it's the main character's seemingly blind hope that this man, Christian Grey, will love her or that she can "fix" him if she consents to his desires. Although he does happen to fall in love with her, to me this notion is no less ridiculous than many of the ideas about love found in most Disney or modern day romance movies.
A lot of the articles I've read seem to be centered on the "violence". To be fair, the female character, Anastasia, does sign a contract allowing it, but there are also extensive rules and negotiation surrounding their sex play--just as there would be in most BDSM relationships. She holds the power to walk away or to stop it. He doesn't just arbitrarily beat the sh*t out of her at any given moment. That would be inexcusable. Is he a controlling and flawed asshole? Sure, but I've dated a few of those too...and they weren't even into BDSM.
The article my friend posted makes some pretty general claims, including that sadomasochism is "basically extreme acts of violence and abuse for sexual pleasure" which are "not cool". This seems to me a pretty judgmental and biased opinion being touted as fact. Not all S&M acts are "extreme". Having known several dominatrixes and submissives, it is, again, NOT about violence. Sometimes it's about holding back the release of pleasure or finding ways to pleasure or intellectually stimulate one's partner using props, bondage, blindfolds, etc. It CAN be about sensuality. Partners do not always engage in this type of sexuality because they are "effed up" or "control freaks" (as this article implies...and maybe as the novels do too), but instead because they feel secure within the relationship to try something new. Or simply because they LIKE it. Why do we judge others for having different tastes?
I am wondering if the somewhat general negative response to this movie is because we don't often SEE BDSM in mainstream films? What (or who) deems the written or filmed sexual acts as pornography? Is it really the sexual acts themselves or because the idea of BDSM doesn't jibe with everyone's idea of pleasure? Yes, the sex scenes in the book are quite graphic, yet, when translated to the movie, may well not be as explicit. There are way too many studio execs and censors for that. Hell, the movie could very well suck just due to poor writing, acting or directing--in which case, the film may be forced to become a cult hit watched out of curiosity like The Human Centipede or Pink Flamingoes. Or, conversely, because the guy or girl is hot.
I will also say, if the general public fears that this film will become the blueprint for sexual and/or romantic relationships, then perhaps we are not giving ourselves or others enough credit! Are we so weak-minded that we cannot decipher right from wrong, fact from fiction or love and sex? Can we only live our lives a certain way because someone makes a movie about it? Seriously?
I am a huge proponent of taking responsibility for one's actions and desires, both in the bedroom and out of it. Don't like BDSM? Find a partner who doesn't either. Don't want to see this movie or read the books? Then don't. Worried that this film will teach the youngsters or people of the world that sexual violence is OK? Then advocate otherwise.
No, I am not telling you that you have to support this film or to try BDSM--nor am I professing my own support. I am simply asking you to exercise your abilities as a human being to formulate your own opinions based on fact-finding and soul-searching. Treat others as you'd like to be treated, not just because that is what you are told or because you judged others "worthy" of good treatment. And understand that a movie (or play or book) simply tells a story. It doesn't have to be YOUR story.
A lot of the articles I've read seem to be centered on the "violence". To be fair, the female character, Anastasia, does sign a contract allowing it, but there are also extensive rules and negotiation surrounding their sex play--just as there would be in most BDSM relationships. She holds the power to walk away or to stop it. He doesn't just arbitrarily beat the sh*t out of her at any given moment. That would be inexcusable. Is he a controlling and flawed asshole? Sure, but I've dated a few of those too...and they weren't even into BDSM.
The article my friend posted makes some pretty general claims, including that sadomasochism is "basically extreme acts of violence and abuse for sexual pleasure" which are "not cool". This seems to me a pretty judgmental and biased opinion being touted as fact. Not all S&M acts are "extreme". Having known several dominatrixes and submissives, it is, again, NOT about violence. Sometimes it's about holding back the release of pleasure or finding ways to pleasure or intellectually stimulate one's partner using props, bondage, blindfolds, etc. It CAN be about sensuality. Partners do not always engage in this type of sexuality because they are "effed up" or "control freaks" (as this article implies...and maybe as the novels do too), but instead because they feel secure within the relationship to try something new. Or simply because they LIKE it. Why do we judge others for having different tastes?
I am wondering if the somewhat general negative response to this movie is because we don't often SEE BDSM in mainstream films? What (or who) deems the written or filmed sexual acts as pornography? Is it really the sexual acts themselves or because the idea of BDSM doesn't jibe with everyone's idea of pleasure? Yes, the sex scenes in the book are quite graphic, yet, when translated to the movie, may well not be as explicit. There are way too many studio execs and censors for that. Hell, the movie could very well suck just due to poor writing, acting or directing--in which case, the film may be forced to become a cult hit watched out of curiosity like The Human Centipede or Pink Flamingoes. Or, conversely, because the guy or girl is hot.
I will also say, if the general public fears that this film will become the blueprint for sexual and/or romantic relationships, then perhaps we are not giving ourselves or others enough credit! Are we so weak-minded that we cannot decipher right from wrong, fact from fiction or love and sex? Can we only live our lives a certain way because someone makes a movie about it? Seriously?
I am a huge proponent of taking responsibility for one's actions and desires, both in the bedroom and out of it. Don't like BDSM? Find a partner who doesn't either. Don't want to see this movie or read the books? Then don't. Worried that this film will teach the youngsters or people of the world that sexual violence is OK? Then advocate otherwise.
No, I am not telling you that you have to support this film or to try BDSM--nor am I professing my own support. I am simply asking you to exercise your abilities as a human being to formulate your own opinions based on fact-finding and soul-searching. Treat others as you'd like to be treated, not just because that is what you are told or because you judged others "worthy" of good treatment. And understand that a movie (or play or book) simply tells a story. It doesn't have to be YOUR story.
Until my next entry, Lovelies....
***
Other articles that offer contrasting opinions:
https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/the-3-most-dangerous-lies-promoted-by-50-shades-of-grey
http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/07/25/women-america-4-reasons-hate-50-shades-grey/
