1.
Don’t Be
a Dick—This one seems like a no-brainer, right?
Yet everyone has the capacity to be a Dick (rudeness, selfishness,
unkindness, lack of appreciation, hurtfulness).
Just don’t live in a perpetual state of Dickdom. And, if you are a Dick, just fucking
apologize—and mean it. Make an effort to
not repeat the Dickish Behavior.
2.
Reciprocate—It is important to Give as much as
one Takes. Yes, we all go through hard
times or selfish cycles. Yes, sometimes we
need to dominate conversation to work through our problems. Yes, sometimes we need assistance (financial,
physical, whatever). Just be sure to
“pay the other person back” or “fill their cup”, whichever metaphor you prefer,
consistently and frequently. Or at least
APPRECIATE him/her. No, it’s not about
owing or being owed, it’s just being a Good Human.
3.
Appreciate—We all show our appreciation in
different ways, but sometimes just a simple “Thank You” does wonders. Even better, tell the other person how much
he/she means to you on a regular basis. Celebrate
who that person is and what he/she adds to your life. I learned this one the hard way.
4.
Communicate—How on earth are we supposed to know
what’s going on with another person if it isn’t communicated? Last I checked, telepathy isn’t a common
talent. Communicate honestly, openly and
in a forthright manner. Create meaningful
connections. Bring clarity, comfort, support. Share your feelings and thoughts. Just sayin’.
;)
5.
Be Aware—Oh, that all of the people in our lives
would bang out Shakespearean-style soliloquies to reveal their emotions, but,
sadly, not everyone communicates so wordily, eloquently or clearly. Pay attention to your friends’ cues. Be mindful of how your actions may affect
other people. This one also goes hand in
hand with “Don’t Be a Dick”.
6.
Be Present—If someone has made a space for you
in his/her life, make sure you’re filling that space in a positive way. Disappearing without communication or not
committing to the time shared (i.e. constant cancellations, being on your phone
or otherwise distracted, feeling guilty about being with that person, etc.) can
lead to confusion, frustration and upset.
Be invested in the
relationship.
7.
Be Sincere—Sincerity, for some reason, is a rare
thing indeed. Do what you say you’re
going to do. Be clear when you can't. Speak with honesty. Be genuine in your intentions, emotions and
thoughts. Back up your words with your
actions. Have integrity.
8.
Be Understanding—Everyone has baggage. And personality quirks. And emotional triggers. The challenge is to be understanding about
what has made a person who he/she is. Empathy
is important. That doesn’t mean you have to tolerate their
shittiness if it is harmful to you (boundaries can be a good thing), but it is
OK to let someone be him/herself or to have limitations. Being
understanding can mean realizing that sometimes the issues of other people are theirs
and theirs alone. Those issues may have
nothing to do with you. Understanding
can also help you not put unrealistic expectations on a person or relationship.
9.
Be Open—Intimacy scares the hell out of most
people. We are trusting someone else to
not tromp all over our emotions, thoughts, fears. It may sound counter-intuitive, but in my
experience being vulnerable can often assist with intimacy (and therefore stronger
connections). Also, being open allows
for growth, new ideas and learning. On a
less serious note, I can’t even tell you how many times I have found or enjoyed
new books, bands, movies, foods, activities just by being open.
10. Inspire—
I want to be a better human. Yes, I
often look to others to see how to do that. Challenge me and my growth. Help me learn. Call me on my shit. Be the mirror of what I strive to be. I do want to be inspired—and inspiring.
So there it is. My
List of Expectations (for lack of a better description). Feel free to add your own. If we are friends, though, just make sure you
tell me what they are. And know that I
am still working on these myself.
Until next time, Lovelies….
