Formerly Known As....

“What's in a name? that which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet;

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,

Retain that dear perfection which he owes

Without that title….”

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Sc. 2.

In William Shakespeare's well-known play,  Romeo and Juliet, the heroine, Juliet, bemoans the fact that her true love would still be her love regardless of the fact that he is the only son of her family’s enemy and therefore, by name, a Montague.  Although it is possible that her theory is correct, I would hypothesize that quite often it is our names that define us.

We are born into this world and given our “Proper Names” at birth by our parents.  Sometimes our names have certain connotations (mine, for example, draws to mind a particular Beatles song which has been sung to me more times than I can count) or remind others of friends, lovers or relatives they once knew.  Sometimes, however, our names take on their own personal meaning in the form of labels we attach to ourselves. 

When I was married I willingly changed my name and created a new definition of myself.  Not wanting to give up my last name entirely, however (both due to the fact that I am the last of my line and that I have always liked my name), I added the ex’s last name to mine in a hyphenated amalgam.  This amalgam showed the world that I was someone’s wife and partner.  And now, since it is attached to my daughter, as someone’s mother.  I was very proud of this change, seeing the addition as an extension to my life.  Even my license plate reflected this. 

Ironically, I used the ex’s last name in another part of my life as well.  As the announcer (and former skater) for the local Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby League, I have gone by the same name for six years.  It is not unlike Gordon Sumner calling himself Sting, Alecia Moore going by Pink or Ana Mae Bullock performing as Tina Turner.  And while I am certainly not comparing myself to these musical artists, derby girls do have a somewhat “rock star” aesthetic (hell, even just saying one is a “Derby Girl”—another name/label—incites very specific reactions.).  Derby monikers are unique, speaking to the person’s interests, hobbies and sense of self.

Which is why it has been no easy task to change it.  Everyone calls me by this chosen name, in spite of the fact that I am no longer married.  I am pretty sure that some of the girls on the team don't even know my real name!  We’ve had a fan contest for name suggestions, yet I can’t help but feel that the transition to a new name is in the same vein as Prince choosing to go by a symbol.  In a word, strange.

But perhaps that is just the “name” I am giving the related emotion and the situation.

Ironically, I never did legally change my name to my ex’s.  The hyphenation was a social adaptation only, just as my derby name and other defining labels have been.

In truth, it is not easy reinventing oneself.  It means taking a looking at who one is and keeping the qualities one wants. 

Including changing my license plate.