Dating and the Divorcee, Part 1: The Search for Han Solo

Having returned to the dating scene, I decided to do a series of blogs entitled, "Dating and the Divorcee".  For this Valentine's Day, I bring you Part 1:  "The Search for Han Solo." 

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While recently sorting through a random box, I came across a list of desired qualities in a potential mate. Written either just prior to or right around the time I started seeing my now ex-husband, the list proved quite the interesting read.  It contained some biggies that still hold true (no addictions or abusive behavior, must be respectful and kind) and oddly some that were missing (must be communicative with no passive aggressive or mean tendencies).  While certainly not looking to remarry any time soon, this discovery begs the question of what I really do find attractive in a potential significant other.  After several recent (and brief) post-marriage forays into the dating scene, I wonder that I haven’t already found my ideal man.  His name:  Han Solo.

Oh, yeah, you read that right.

Handsome, witty and intelligent, Han Solo is a bit of a rogue in the Star Wars series.  He is not intimidated by strong women (and in fact can dish out what he gets) and is most often kind to other species (having rescued his best friend, Chewbacca, from slavery).  He deals with antagonism with humor, enthusiasm and aplomb.  He is courageous and good-hearted—even if it takes a while to break through to the gooey center.  He seemingly possesses a sense of right and wrong and will act accordingly, yet he blusters about being a survivalist. 

Of course, for all of his good qualities, he is not without his flaws.  He wanders through his life in the seedy underbelly of the universe in search of adventure—and a paycheck—often associating with the wrong people.  He has a habit of making only a few friends and many enemies, which ultimately leads to trouble.  Because he is flippant, he occasionally has difficulty verbally communicating his love for his girlfriend and may very well be frozen emotionally.  He also exhibits signs of jealousy.

Like most women (and maybe some men), though, I find that I am attracted to his devil-may-care attitude and the twinkle in his eye.  I like that there is a sense of rakishness and spontaneity about him, yet, somehow, it seems as if he has planned for everything to happen as it eventually does.  He has had a lifetime of experience and various accomplishments, some of which he is only too happy to share.  While modest about his leadership qualities, he apparently enjoys acting as the “knight in shining armor” who saves the day. Han Solo is not just a bad boy with a heart of gold.  He is challenging without creating drama.  In the end, he realizes what is important and sticks with it.

Plus he looks mighty damned fine in a vest and tight pants. 

I realize in delving into this idea further, I have always been attracted to the Han Solo archetype (Captain Malcolm Reynolds on Firefly, Adam Ant, heck, even my first boyfriend to some extent).  Having grown up with the original Star Wars movies, my first example of a romantic relationship came from Han Solo and Princess Leia.  They were firey, loving, sassy, sometimes exasperating and even flawed.  She didn’t need him to rescue her, but his contributions to her cause were invaluable.  He realizes the value of love when he is rendered vulnerable and has to rely on her (and his friends) for help.  Fictional or no, this relationship (and this type of man) is what is appealing to me.  Does this exist in real life?  If so, may the Force be with me as I search for it!