Online dating sucks.
Oh, I know there are plenty of people for whom it works (like my
friend’s daughter who just married someone she met online or my other friend
who is now planning her wedding to her online match) but in my experience I
doubt that this will be the way for me to meet quality people to date—and certainly not to marry, should I choose to go down that route again.
At this writing, I have had profiles on two separate
sites. During participation on
each of these sites, I have been verbally abused, inappropriately
propositioned, proposed to, and asked for cash—even before meeting these people
face to face! Although neither
site specialized in any of these, shall we say, preferences. I have also “met”
online foot fetishists, S & M “Masters”, sex addicts, drug addicts, married
men and bisexuals (men and women).
After being stood up by a few online matches that I did deem as “potentials”, I cannot
help but feel that there is no hope in this medium.
I originally tried online dating because
I often have a hectic work and life schedule. I am not always able to go out socially and meet people in
person, nor am I really a bar-hopper.
I used to meet potential dates while at work, but with only one
(married) male co-worker and a work location that changes weekly, clearly the
workplace is a bust too. So unless
my circle of friends and acquaintances miraculously and suddenly expands to
include an inordinate amount of attractive, single, available, heterosexual
males who aren’t intimidated by an outspoken, sassy, bawdy, feisty woman with a
child, a good heart, messy house and strong opinions, I am kind of stuck either
A) trying online dating again, B) getting new friends who are able to set me up
on blind dates or C) drastically changing my life, hobbies, work or location.
But just what is it about online dating that I find so
difficult? In my various
discussions with my friends about online dating, I’ve been trying to figure
this out. I realize now that perhaps it is because online dating is similar to the book-to-movie
phenomenon. Let me explain: When one dates online, a profile (or a
“character”) is created. S/He can
become exactly what s/he wants. Anyone reading the profile (or subsequent
written communication) can create an idea of what the other person may or may
not be. One can present his or her
best self (or hide behind his or her words). Imagination plays a very heavy part in fleshing out the
“characters” and a story plot is developed. This often happens before even physically meeting or talking
to the other person. Just from
what is written, so much is construed.
This is not unlike what happens for me when I read a
book. I create ideas of what the
characters look like, how they act, what makes them tick…but then the movie
version comes out. Often I am
disappointed by the physical manifestation of the revered characters. Storylines get twisted. Ultimately, the movie version may in
fact tarnish the original affection I felt for the original novel. I may find the characters shallow,
their storylines lacking, their motivations hurried. While there are often relatively “faithful” adaptations, if
I love a book, the movie (and therefore someone else’s creative vision) may be
disappointing.
And yes, I do realize that this may be the case for other
people viewing my profile. Although I strive to present myself
in a manner that is true to life, I certainly cannot control what
the other person thinks, feels or assumes about me. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I really feel I present so
much better in person. It’s just
getting these people to show up so they can see that too. I mean, how does one describe her inner
sparkle on the computer or text screen?
Ha ha.
I will say one positive thing about online dating
though: I did get some pretty good
friends and witty and amusing pen pals out of it. Oh yeah, and an awesome collection of penis pictures. Bonus.
Sigh. Oh
well. Back to grind. Or not, as the case may be. Wah ha.
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