The Ghosts of Exes Past

I’ve been having dreams about my ex-boyfriends.  I don’t know if it’s because it is winter (the season which, from November to February, seems to foster a focus on togetherness) or because my brain has chosen to do some cruel, High Fidelity-style meandering through the failures of my romantic life or even because of some wistful desire to return to the simplicity of my youth, but dear God, why can’t I just have raunchy dreams about Johnny Depp?  Or Ewan McGregor?  Or, even my new celeb crush  Jason Segel (don’t laugh, the dude hangs out with the Muppets.  That rocks!)?  Oh, no, instead I get to have visitations from the Ghosts of Exes Past. 

I read once that a visit from an ex in a dream is supposed to represent unfinished business.  Even if I weren’t the one who ended the relationship, however, I don’t know what my unfinished business would be?  I closed the book on those relationships years ago.  Some of them, I even buried the book in a deep dark hole in the basement, destroyed the house and wiped my memory clean of the address so I could never revisit the scene of the wreckage again.  Unfinished business?  Hmmmmmm. 

I will admit that I have many acquaintances who remain friends with their exes after their breakups, yet this is not something I have ever been able to do.  Yes, I have communicated with the rare few since the relationship, but certainly not on any regular basis.  The reality is, my ex-husband is the only ex with whom I have any regular contact—and that only because of joint custody of our daughter (and only when it cannot otherwise be avoided).  Frankly, this “necessary” communication with him is not something that sits well with me.  I liken it to dealing with a difficult coworker in a job I cannot quit.  Or a root canal without anesthesia…. 

But that’s another story. 

Of course, this isn’t to say that I don’t occasionally have bouts of the “what-ifs” regarding any of my exes (yes, Cherry Popper, I am talking about you). Admittedly, there may be personal qualities or aspects of the relationships I miss.  Of course…I am human.  But, exes are exes for a reason.  Some people come into our lives for only a short time or a specific purpose and then are gone.  They leave their impressions on us so we can learn and grow—and hopefully become better people.  We take what we can from each encounter and build from there. Regardless of any pain that may have come from the breakups, I know I wouldn’t be who I am without my exes. And while there may be things I wish were different or that had been done differently, I am trying to let go of regrets.  I thank each of you for your past presence in my life…and just hope I didn’t create too much wreckage in yours. 

But kindly get the hell out of my dreams.  A girl needs her sleep, even if only to escape the re-hashing of past relationships she does while she’s awake.  Sheesh.