In the past three years I have dated only two guys more than once. Although there were some shenanigans upon my Re-Introduction to Singlehood prior to that, very few of those could really be categorized as "dates". So, yup, that's it. Two. In three years.
The first guy I dated until he disappeared for several weeks, only to call me later and say that he had had a relapse in his (never discussed) addiction to cocaine. He said he was moving, but would I like to buy his TV? I think we’d only dated for two or three weeks.
The other I dated later that same year. A red-headed, former rugby player, he had the makings of someone “of interest”. Sadly, he too was a recovering addict (meth). Dating him was unfortunately a drain on my resources both financially and emotionally. Actually, it was not unlike dating my child...He was unemployed and required someone to pay for everything and drive him everywhere...and yes, I told him that when we broke up three months into the relationship.
After that, things looked pretty bleak, until last year, when a chance meeting led to a first date. The food and company were great. The chemistry, not so much. There wasn't a second date, but that was due in part to my hectic schedule. We sort of lost contact. I found out later that he'd disappeared some time after our date, neglecting to pay for 6 months of rent. Thank goodness he had the decency to not drag me into that debacle.
Which, more or less, brings us to the present. In case you haven’t figured it out, I have a very strange and sometimes tumultuous dating history. Although this was true from before the divorce (let’s please not go back that far), it is really true these last few years. It has gotten to the point of feeling that I don’t even know how to date anymore--or even how to meet people. It used to be that I would meet men at work. While I do work with two attractive men (only one of which is married, but I may as well call them both my brothers), the feasibility of this is a big fat zero. I’ve had some pretty miserable experiences with online dating. I don’t often go to bars or clubs. None of my friends apparently know any single men. I am a single mom. I have many gay friends. Where then to meet quality, available, straight, single men? Maybe one will just magically appear. Or maybe, and this is entirely likely, one of my established acquaintances is just waiting to reveal his affections for me (Hey, don't laugh. This has actually happened to me on six separate occasions.). Honestly, dating as a 40-something divorcee is hard--perhaps contrary to what new shows like Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce might have us believe.
Difficulty to meet men aside, the truth is, I can also be a bit of spaz when it comes to dating. Hell, in friendships even. To be fair, I don't have a lot of practice in it lately. Yes, a lot of that is choice. Maybe even pickiness. I certainly don't need a man, but I sure like having one. Why, then, do I get so bunged up about all this?
I am not sure there is any one answer. Perhaps I just get caught up in my own romantic notions and desires. Or societal norms. After all, society tells us that the man should be the pursuer, while the woman is the pursued. Men need to feel like they have "won", so men should instigate contact, dates, etc. A woman should be available without being too available. Blah blah blah.
OK, I get that we as a society are still working to break out of these traditional gender roles, but why are these bullshit ideas still perpetuated? I'm not saying I don't like being feminine or cared for, just that these ideologies make it harder to simply relate on a human level. For example, if I like someone, I will communicate it--especially if it's been indicated that it's mutual. Unfortunately, my effusive, very vocal nature has often been perceived as overbearing or, worse, needy. Sometimes even desperate. I can be impatient and outspoken--and then worry that I have said too much or pushed too hard. It can be hard to take. Probably for the guy too.
Here's the thing: I like to be pursued, but I don't always wait to be. Sometimes that works out to my benefit. Sometimes not. I enjoy banter. I thrill at witty, intelligent conversation, written or otherwise. I have a tendency to text a lot. I like when they're returned in a timely manner. My making time in my schedule is because I want to spend time with someone, not because I am lonely or pushy or desperate. No, I am not looking to get married. Nor am I looking for just a booty call, although I will express my desire. I like when it's reciprocated. Yes, of course, I want someone to think about me, but I don't need to be his world. I just want to know I have a place in it. And yeah, I am a big, overthinking, occasionally awkward nerd who needs reassurance now and again. Confidence only gets me so far, because, well, emotions.
So there it is. I am really not sure if this is a warning, explanation or invitation to would-be suitors, but it is what it is. I've once more poked my head out of my non-dating hibernation (like Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog's Day!) to see what's up. Unfortunately, if I see my shadow standing alone, it may well be at least six more weeks of binge-watching Netflix with my cat. Lol.
Until Next Time, Lovelies....
Difficulty to meet men aside, the truth is, I can also be a bit of spaz when it comes to dating. Hell, in friendships even. To be fair, I don't have a lot of practice in it lately. Yes, a lot of that is choice. Maybe even pickiness. I certainly don't need a man, but I sure like having one. Why, then, do I get so bunged up about all this?
I am not sure there is any one answer. Perhaps I just get caught up in my own romantic notions and desires. Or societal norms. After all, society tells us that the man should be the pursuer, while the woman is the pursued. Men need to feel like they have "won", so men should instigate contact, dates, etc. A woman should be available without being too available. Blah blah blah.
OK, I get that we as a society are still working to break out of these traditional gender roles, but why are these bullshit ideas still perpetuated? I'm not saying I don't like being feminine or cared for, just that these ideologies make it harder to simply relate on a human level. For example, if I like someone, I will communicate it--especially if it's been indicated that it's mutual. Unfortunately, my effusive, very vocal nature has often been perceived as overbearing or, worse, needy. Sometimes even desperate. I can be impatient and outspoken--and then worry that I have said too much or pushed too hard. It can be hard to take. Probably for the guy too.
Here's the thing: I like to be pursued, but I don't always wait to be. Sometimes that works out to my benefit. Sometimes not. I enjoy banter. I thrill at witty, intelligent conversation, written or otherwise. I have a tendency to text a lot. I like when they're returned in a timely manner. My making time in my schedule is because I want to spend time with someone, not because I am lonely or pushy or desperate. No, I am not looking to get married. Nor am I looking for just a booty call, although I will express my desire. I like when it's reciprocated. Yes, of course, I want someone to think about me, but I don't need to be his world. I just want to know I have a place in it. And yeah, I am a big, overthinking, occasionally awkward nerd who needs reassurance now and again. Confidence only gets me so far, because, well, emotions.
So there it is. I am really not sure if this is a warning, explanation or invitation to would-be suitors, but it is what it is. I've once more poked my head out of my non-dating hibernation (like Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog's Day!) to see what's up. Unfortunately, if I see my shadow standing alone, it may well be at least six more weeks of binge-watching Netflix with my cat. Lol.
Until Next Time, Lovelies....
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