WORRISOME HABIT
With a faint air of melancholy still lingering from the
previous day, I was, not surprisingly, again at a loss as to what to
write. I received support and
kudos from unexpected places today (even, amusingly, a fortune cookie) and so I
found myself emboldened and supported as I work toward the future.
Today, I went to meetings for future (and current)
projects. Despite whatever else I
may seem, I am a dreamer, if not a planner. Perhaps the applications of my plans seem spontaneous, but
believe me, most of my plans are thought over and through and then over and
through again. I am a
worrier.
In the last few years, my worrying has caused me greater
angst than necessary. In the last
few months, however, I have been attempting to stop worrying quite so
much. I am not always
successful. Worrying, however,
never accomplishes anything—except bringing me more worry. And what really is worry, but fear?
So what is it I worry about? I am sure they are the usual fears that most people
have: loneliness, boredom,
inaction, parenthood, money (or lack thereof). Admittedly, last year was a rough
one for me. I felt like my worries
drew me into a black hole, sucking out my joy until all I wanted to do was just
stay in bed, aimlessly watching television. I am sure you can
understand the difficulty this causes for a relatively happy-go-lucky person.
Which reminds me of a conversation I recently had with a
friend of mine about happiness.
This friend is, almost as a rule, the person I
go to when I have questions that require an incisive, laser-sharp clarity and
rationality. We were discussing a
book called The How of Happiness, which
takes a scientific approach to determine one’s level of happiness. I asked her whether she thought I was
“happy”—a bizarre question, as perception is always a finicky little
beast. She responded that for the
most part, yes. I’d just had to
deal with a lot of sh*t lately.
Ain’t that the truth?
How best, then, to deal with all of that sh*t? It is clearly not by worrying about
it. While I cannot yet stop
worrying entirely, I am trying to not focus so much time or energy on
worrying. Actions bring about
positivity and change more than worry ever could, right? Right?! Gah.
Now if only I weren’t so d*mned tired…Ha.
Until tomorrow, Lovelies….
*For 2/6/14. Of course, I worried if you even noticed that I didn't post it for two days. Lol.
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