In the (almost) week since my birthday I’ve been noticing a
trend on Facebook toward posts about kindness and appreciation. One friend posted that a total stranger
had paid her toll while she was driving in the Bay Area. Another friend mentioned that someone
had surprisingly paid her fees for a license she required. These (and more) prompted me to share
one of my own experiences.
Last week I was in Whole Foods buying myself a special treat
for my birthday. There was a man
behind me with a single container of yogurt. He was older, a bit surly and slightly unkempt. Perhaps it was from the giddy
anticipation of enjoying my carrot cake cupcake or because I was feeling
particularly generous in light of so much birthday love and kindness, but I decided
to purchase his yogurt.
Here’s the funny thing: Most people would be pleasantly surprised and graciously
accept the gift, but this guy was extremely crabby about it! He actually tried to snatch the yogurt
back from the cashier. The cashier
gently told him, “She’s insisting.”
He begrudgingly consented, mumbling his thanks. I smiled at him, but he wouldn’t even
meet my eye. He just took his
yogurt and walked away, with his head down.
This of course makes me wonder…was this an unusual act of
kindness in his life? Or was it
simply difficult for him to accept the gift? Was it because the gift was from a stranger?
I wrote earlier about the kindness of strangers, but here,
it seems, is another lesson for me to take to heart: It is not just enough to be kind to others, but to readily
accept their kindness with graciousness and appreciation as well. This is something I don’t do
particularly well, depending on the situation.
For example, my inspirational guru friend has a practice of
telling people three things that she appreciates about them. I love this practice, but I find that
on the occasion that she directs her comments toward me I don’t know how to
react. I usually try to downplay
her statements, an action which usually irritates her until she says, “Just say
thank you.”
I realize that I have no issue with accepting kindness when
it comes to “things”, but genuine and sincere compliments about my character or
actions are a bit harder to take. I don’t believe this is because of feigned modesty,
a lack of confidence, or even some underlying fear that maybe I don’t really
deserve them. Sometimes it is
simply that I feel that I am being thanked for something I would have done
anyway. I forget sometimes that
not everyone would do some of the things I do. Some don’t care to, but some just are not able. This doesn’t make me special or better
than anyone else. It’s just a
different skill set or a different outlook. I like helping or giving to other others and so it feels
good when I can.
That’s not to say, of course, that I don’t want to be
appreciated. Of course I do. Who doesn’t? I think I just sometimes also forget that what may seem natural
and/or “no big deal” to me can mean the world to someone else.
On a sadder note, I feel sometimes that my marriage might
have ended because I didn’t show enough appreciation to my husband (Quite
frankly, I doubt he appreciated me very much either.). It’s not that I wasn’t
grateful either for him or the marriage.
I just didn’t tell him very often.
This is something that, admittedly, still sits heavy in my heart…a very
glaring “Lesson Learned”. While I
can no longer do anything about that
relationship, just imagine how appreciated the next Significant Other will be. Oh yeah, I am going to appreciate all over that guy.
So there it is, another Grand Lesson: be kind, accept kindness and appreciate
kindness when you get it.
Until my next entry, Lovelies….
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