40 Days Till 40 (Day 35)

SHE’S THE MAN

I’ve had a very bizarre realization over the last week or so.  You might remember from a previous blog entry a conversation I had with a friend of mine (a woman I often affectionately refer to as my guru).  She shared with me something someone told her:  by picturing oneself surrounded with positive male energy it would open the doors to potential romance.  We can draw to ourselves what we want or need, right?

Almost immediately, I started feeling that something appeared amiss with my picturing and energy-drawing capabilities.  How does this work?  Do I picture actual men?   Dirty boots and grease stains by my front door?  A big slab of steak on a plate?  What am I supposed to do here? 

But then I realized, and this is going to sound silly, but bear with me…I think I have become the positive male energy in my life.   

Go ahead, laugh.  I’ll wait. 

You done?  OK, let me explain.

It may seem antiquated, but I’ve always thought aggression (not violence), independence and confidence were seen as attractive in a male.  According to societal norms, men are more often thought to be logical and strong with the highest earning power (the breadwinners). 

In other words, every thing that I am—or working to be.  While I do not make a lot of money, I am resourceful and relatively frugal (even if I do have a penchant for the $5 movie bin and colorful scarves).  I do not kowtow to my misery, but keep plugging along because I have to in order to survive.  I am secure in my sense of self, bawdy, opinionated and a natural, if sometimes reluctant, leader.  I am the remover of house-invading spiders and a “fixer” (successful or otherwise).

This is, according to many of my friends, perhaps why my marriage didn’t work:  I was a “man” in the relationship. 

At lunch with a friend today, my friend told me that one of the things that she loves about her new beau is how he makes her feel like a woman.  No, not in a Shania Twain country-pop sort of way, but, instead, taken care of...and feminine.  She admitted that she felt like she had always dominated her former husband, which never satisfied her.  This new beau allows her to be nurturing without begrudging her “mama bear” protectiveness.  They delight in each other’s inner child while still fostering a mature and loving relationship.  Now that sounds like positive male energy. 

She hypothesized that maybe that’s what I’m looking for:  someone like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast without the destructive,  misogynist  assh*le qualities.  You know, a big, burly dude with a heart of gold…like a cowboy who loves puppies…or Kurt Russell in Backdraft (as he’s running in slow mo carrying the little boy to safety).  Not someone to “dominate” me, but someone who can hold his own.  All manly and brawny—with chest hair for goodness sake. 

Hmmmmmm.  Maybe that’s why I have always liked Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew so much (mmmmm, Petruchio). 

Until tomorrow, Lovelies….

*For 2/7/14.  Posted late, but worth the wait?  Maybe.  ;)