40 Days Till 40 (Day 24)

PETER PAN COMPLEX

I was talking to my lovely, yet feisty stage manager and friend on the phone today.  When she called to ask me a question about the show, I had been staring at my bills, wondering how to best pay down my credit.  I have saved some money since the divorce, but I’ve had to delve into it more than once in order to simply survive.  I had earmarked that money to hopefully take a vacation later in the year.  Unfortunately, responsibility calls. 

Man, I hate growing up. 

As I was whining about this to my friend, she simply reminded me that sometimes it is just what we have to do.  So here I am 16 days until my 40^th birthday, thinking about “growing up”. 

In the last few years, I feel I’ve done a lot of “growing up”, yet I am not always sure what this means.  Does it mean handling the bills?  Check.  Cooking dinner?  Check.  Cleaning the house?  Uh, sometimes check. 

Or maybe it’s surviving emotional turmoil. I am really working to move on, move past, and move up in my life.  I do what needs to get done, even if I don’t want to.  Frankly, most times I don’t want to.  Does this mean that I am (shudder) an adult?  Gasp. 

And yet I still have emotional outbursts and am sensitive to disappointment.  I don’t want to deal with change.  I want someone to take care of me and to make sure that I am fed, clothed and sleeping well.  And I certainly don’t want to pay the bills anymore.  Or balance a f*cking checking account. 

Nope, that’s it.  I won’t grow up!  I won’t.  I won’t.  I won’t. 

Sigh. 

But that isn’t realistic, is it?  So instead I moved money from my savings, allotting it to pay off some credit cards possessing higher APR’s.  By doing this it should enable me to make back at the end of the year what I am spending to do this now.  In theory, I will have saved the money on credit card payments, thereby lowering my cost of living.

Next up, tackling the remainder of my student loans. 

Yup, growing up sucks. 

Until tomorrow, Lovelies….

PS If any of you are having growing pains, check out this awesome video on adult tantrums.  YES!

*Written 1/27/14