40 Days Till 40 (Day 5)

NOTHING TO FEAR...

Today marks Day 2 of the Hot Springs vacation (and Day 5 of 40 Days Till 40).  Funny as it may sound, sometimes I find vacations exhausting.  We fill our days with so many activities that by the time we return to the hotel room, we practically pass out.  Or at least I do.  My daughter, meanwhile, wants to bounce all over the room.  But then, she is 31 years younger than I am.  Clearly, I am feeling my mortality. Yoinks.

I always wonder when I first sensed my mortality?  Was there a specific day when I discovered I wasn’t invincible?  Or truly fearless?  Now that I think about it, when did fear become such a ruling factor, preventing or hindering accomplishment of tasks or activities?

I can remember being in France a few years ago and discovering that I was suddenly afraid of heights:  I was walking on a path that circumvented the top of a church spire.  True, it was a very narrow path (with a very minimal guard rail), but I had never before experienced such a sense of disorientation and panic at being up high.  I was the girl who used to swing on a swing until the chain hitched and then, at the highest point, jump; I loved carnival rides and roller coasters with extreme vertical drops;  heck,  I preferred sitting in the balcony whenever I would see a play or concert….and yet, there I was, that one beautiful (and windy) day, clutching onto the side of the French building, my back against the wall, heart pounding, body trembling as I inched my way around the path, my then husband urging me along.  Très bizarre. 

I have heard that it is our experience that causes us to fear.  Hmmmmm.  Perhaps.  Frankly, I think it is more likely my having a child that has amped up my fear…like, in the wake of her fearlessness, my own fear has crept in to counteract it.  I am concerned for her security, safety and wellbeing—and therefore generally more careful about mine.  It is a strange turn of events, which makes me wonder, Dear God, am I an adult now? 

Ha ha.  Probably not.  At least, not if I can help it. 

At any rate, I must needs face my fears, live my life, experience the joys of trying something new (during vacations or otherwise)—even if it means climbing back on a damned horse (literally and figuratively).  Sigh. 

Until tomorrow, Lovelies….

Written 1/8/14, but again posted a little late.  I blame the Nap Fairy who took pity on this aging soul.  ;)